All I really need to know I learned from watching reality tv

People, aka ignoramuses, scoff at reality tv, but I am here to heroically, if i do say so myself, stand up for those of us that know the intrinsic value of shows like Real World, Run's House, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, and The Hills.

Real World New York (season #1) changed my life forever all those years ago. The fact that there wasn't a script BLEW MY MIND, and rightly so. Eric Nies was a goober and always will be, but I've learned more than that throughout the seasons - namely, black people are reactive and angry...and how else would I have ever known that southern girls from Alabama are naive and prone to stereotypes or that gay people exist? That's right, I wouldn't have, and I'm just not sure I want to be the kind of person that doesn't know how to have sex completely under the comforter so as to avoid being caught on camera (but seriously, how do they breathe under there, what with all the shenanigans and tomfoolery going on?) And Eric, god love his heart, did work my ass out for a few years with his posse of white hip-hopping Grinders. So, in a way, I owe my physique that landed me my boyfriend to the Real World and Eric Nies. Thanks, Eric, and you're invited to the wedding - Vegas, October 18th, pirate ship, can't miss it.

Run's House taught me that the Rev is my hero and that I want the father of my children to be like he is with his own chirrens. And I want my husband to be a multi-millionaire musician who is OK with me not doing much more than putting out, raising his children, and spending his money. The American Dream.

The Bachelor taught me how I should never act with a man unless I am trying to earn his disdain. And most recently on The Bachelorette, I learned what I wish I'd known during the dating portion of my twenties - how to let a man down with dignity.

I love The Hills for the fantasy element, but I love it more because it teaches me the shame in being boring on national television.

See, if you use reality tv (RTV) properly, it can be a tool for learning about yourself, others, and what you want out of life. As such, to those of you who like to prance your RTV-pretension about as if you're in the Winner's Circle at the KY Derby: Know this - I am better than you.